So here it goes, a random post. I had a meeting with some friends few days ago. And all along I was thinking, “Whew, where do the others go? :?”
So the closest friends I have nowadays are only 2 people: one from my highschool and the other is my college friend. Both live in the same city where I grew up. They know each other well too because of me. I moved to another city around 3 years ago. But with them I keep in touch from time to time, we will randomly ask to-the-point questions, with zero awkwardness.
Sometimes I meet also with some other friends, in a wedding etc. It is not awkward at all, given my nature, but then I don’t keep in touch with them after. And I’d talk to them again as we meet next time in other event.
And I personally feel awkward to say hello through SNS… I don’t know, maybe other people don’t feel so, but I do.
I notice lately that the Facebook comes back alive again after people left it several years ago (or was it just me? 😂). People reconnect, by posting something and their friends will comment or like it. And it is crowded again. But I honestly feel reluctant to even post anything. I think I kind of against posting something personal on SNS-but it is different here, I am an anon, so hurray to that!
The thing with posting on SNS that people know who you are is sometimes people tend to brag or share personal things which I think privy (and why do I feel ashamed for them? 😩) and they enjoy having that unnecessary attention over their private life (heol unless you’re a celebrity, that is not necessary). But then they want to share something important to them that I don’t find any importance at all for me. But then, maybe that is the purpose of this whole SNS frenzy: celeb-wannabe?
Years ago, when that Facebook was still new, I shared quite many things as well to my circle. But then the more I grow up, I want to keep my private life exclusive (I don’t post my children’s photo at all to the SNS, and I don’t share my personal feelings to those people too).
I wonder too, am I being an anti-social over the years or am I being bitter over things. I’ve separated my Facebook account from my personal life more or less after I got married–sometimes I check it but not even once a month nor two, or use it for my spazzing purpose, or post something impersonal such as seminar invitation. I respond very slowly to the friend requests or private messages. And I don’t even install the app in my phone. I get email notifications from time to time, but I don’t feel the need to respond them immediately. So I’ve grown unattached to it.
Aside from SNS, I feel that I become private too in society. I make friends too with other mothers at my child’s preschool. And I join the monthly gathering (or arisan in Indonesian) in my neighbourhood. But I don’t feel the need to know these people further. Just hi, meaningless talk, smile, and bye. Sigh, is this the feeling for being a 30-something stay-at-home woman?
Sometimes I wonder, what if I were still working? I mean I am helping for certain family business from home now, but what if I were still an office worker? Am I going to be as anti-social as this? And no, I am not a shy person at all. But there’s this… laziness/reluctance/indifference/disinterest in regards of new people or people that are not close.
But then I asked my husband 2 days ago after meeting with my two friends, who are your close friends now? He is a 30-something office worker, and had to think for a while before answering me. He said just one person name. And I asked him, “Do you share your problems or feeling to this friend?”
He said, “No, it was more of a friend to spend my leisure after work time with. We talk about work related subjects. Though he usually talks about his infatuation and broken heart* too. And I am more of a listener.”
(*This friend of his is infatuated to a woman for many years already. They hang out together a lot, but no, you can’t consider them date. Because the woman apparently can’t see him more than a friend. And now she has a boyfriend for about a year already. But he is still stuck to his feeling. He said he also has a girlfriend already but he doesn’t seem interested to talk about this girlfriend further. And my husband and I doubt about it. Because he still talks about the prior woman everytime my husband meets him. Poor him… And poor my husband for being such loyal listener 😂😂).
“Now that I think of it, my friends now are friends with purpose; work purpose,” he said. (As long as it is not friends with benefit, I’m okay with it 😂😄🙅).
He also has close friends during his college years. But they seldom call each other or meet, so I don’t consider them as close now.
So what is this 30-something social life crisis? Maybe it’s just a phase or maybe it is natural selection process of which we will find which one is our true friend. And frankly, these recent years, me and my husband tend to go back to the family which we spend more time with nowadays compared to friends.
Nevertheless, these precious friends of mine are considered family too.
I just want to shout out this thinking out of my head to the void… So, goodnight, dear void…